Quinetta Taylor & FFC

*This video is courtesy of Fitness Formula Clubs and the 2014 Year of Wellness campaign

Could This Be the Beginning of Something Big....

Loooooovies!!!!  There has been soooooo many great things happening for me!  I'm in utter disbelief that God has chosen me to experience all of this but I'm so grateful that his favor is upon me.  I feel like the beginning of something BIG is starting to take form and I'm so ready to walk into my greatness!!!

After I began dialysis and quit my job, I realized that Social Services wasn't my destiny.  I learned MANY life lessons and a lot about myself counseling the mentally ill but it and Psychology wasn't something I saw myself doing long term.  So at the ripe age of 27 I was faced with that looming question..."What do I want to do with my life?"  After getting involved with FFC and the Gift of Hope and seeing how my story effects people...after MANY nights of praying and crying out to God to speak to me about my purpose one day it randomly hit me...I want to go around the world sharing my life story with the hope to motivate people to be the best version of themselves.  I want to help people to understand that the process of changing is NOT easy but it is so gratifying.  I want to show people the beauty of going through your process so that you reach your destiny. Now the question is...how do I do that???

In the recent weeks I have been given some awesome opportunities to not only get my story out to others but my face also.  This is important because once people can place a face with a name it brings a story to life.  As part of the 2014 Year of Wellness promotion, there was an actual video clip made about me and my story.  I'm going to include it in a separate post but the feedback I received from it was OVERwhelming.  So many people became emotional hearing it and it means something to mean that I can touch others that way.  I was asked to participate in FFC's commercial that will begin running in the new year.  So many other things are in the works for 2014 and I'm just so excited about each and every opportunity! 

And that brings me back to my destiny...until the world has heard my story I'm going to utilize every outlet that I can to essentially share myself...including this blog.  With all of the recent attention, my baby has been gaining attention too!  It's time I make it a priority so that when people take the time to read it, they are getting quality content and a real glimpse into me.  I am going to start off by committing to blog twice a week.  A recipe blog and a topic that is relevant to me at the time.  Whether it's about my workouts (which have been brutal lately...but I can say that last week I ran for the first time in my life...PROUD PROUD moment!)...slacking off with my eating (this happens time to time...like today, lol)...life post-op once I have my tummy tuck...or just keeping myself encouraged to finish this journey.  

It is my wish that you will continue with me as my life begins to gain momentum.  This started out as a blog to document the road to getting a transplant but my life has turned into so much more!!!  Join me as I walk into my destiny and let's see together just where it takes me :)

Did he just say that to me???

Now, I usually don't go into detail about my doctor's appointments, simply because I don't see the need to, but this one was so bizarre, I would be doing you a GREAT injustice not to share.

So, this doctor is only in clinic for consultations on Monday afternoons...so I had to rearrange my dialysis treatment to be there at 1 pm...so, at 3 pm he still hadn't arrived to the clinic because he was at another hospital operating on a patient.  So, I'm a bit frustrated because I had to go through A LOT to rearrange my treatment and at that point I'm thinking I may have to go through all of that again because this man may not show up.  Moments later, a man with the wildest hair, several briefcases and a cane with an arm brace comes rushing past yelling, "If it were you on the table, you would want me to stay until I finished also!"...and all I could think was, this will be interesting.  

I get in the examining room and the nurse tells me to get undressed from the waist up and put on a gown...that sounds about right to me since I'm there about my stomach.  A couple minutes later the doctor comes in as I'm sitting on the examination table and motions for me to come to him.  Okay.  So now I'm standing in front of him and the next thing I know, this man starts to rip my gown off and tell me to drop my pants and underwear!!!  I am a VERY modest person so it was so alarming to me that I starting pulling back asking him what the eff he was doing???  He says, "I need to see everything so I know where I need to cut!"  Couldn't he simply have asked me to undress instead of taking it upon himself to do it for me?  So, as I'm standing there a-hole naked in front of a man and nurse I don't know he begins poking and prodding at my stomach and asks me, "How did it get so big?????"  I tell him, "That's why I'm here to see you sir, to get rid of it!"  At this point, I KNOW this appointment ain't gonna be good.  Next, he asks me to hold my stomach up and proceeds to tell me I have a scrotum.  Did he really just say that to me?????  I tell him, "NO I DON'T!!!"  He then says that mine is bigger than his!  At this point his nurse interjects to tell him he's being inappropriate and just plain crass.  And then he took pictures so somewhere in that hospital, on an iPad there are a bunch of pictures that don't make me smile on the inside.  He then show's me where he's going to cut and then says I have too much skin on my honeypot so he's going to cut that too so its proportionate, and he's going to do that as a favor to me.  Look, NOBODY said anything about cutting my fig and pudding!  It was served me well for 30 years...no complaints!  I proceeded to get dress and haven't remembered what normal feels like since.  I was absolutely traumatized and have no expectations for this surgery.  Please keep me and my scrotum in your thoughts as we get ready to go under the knife in a few months.  I swear I feel like these kind of things only happen to me, lol

For All the Wrong Reasons...

Hello my lovies!!!  While I sit and enjoy my snack of mandarin oranges mixed with pineapple greek yogurt (it will change your life), I decided to share my thoughts.

Soooooo, my tummy tuck has been scheduled.  It's not for about another 3 months *rolls eyes* but my Dad will be having surgery next week so that gives us plenty of time to get him all mended first.  Now, let us talk about this tucketh of my tummy.
It's not a secret that I have a STRONG dislike for my butt in the front.  My stomach has been large my entire life and having it go away has always been a wish of mine.  I wasn't the chubby girl who was lucky to be thick at the bottom...mine sat right in front for the WORLD to see!  I knew that when I started this weight loss journey that my stomach probably would not disappear the way many people's do...only because it was so much...and I was right.  I've mentioned that because of this, I don't like taking full length pictures.  While the rest of me looks very different (although maybe not as different as I thought, but I'll save that for a future post), my stomach just hasn't caught up. There is some definite progress, just not enough.  In dealing with that, it got me to thinking about body issues in general.

Quiet as it's kept, a lot of women lose weight for superficial reasons...maybe that's not so quiet, lol.  Some women do it to look better, some do it to make themselves more attractive to people...I've even known women who've lost weight hoping that it will help them to get married.  The best reason to lose weight is for yourself, because it can open a Pandora's box of other issues.  For instance, I've lost a substantial amount of weight.  I was ecstatic because I felt my body would look better and I would be a little more confident in showing it.  I didn't know that a whole new set of insecurities could creep in and settle themselves.  Because I've lost a lot of weight, I have skin.  It just hangs...ripples a bit...you could liken it to raw chicken on a bad day.  Now, I know over time as I continue to work out and lift that it will tone up but that doesn't exactly help me today.  So before my insecurity was being heavy...now my insecurity is loose skin...do you see where I'm going with this?  No matter what, there will be something that physically you may not like about yourself, so if you're losing weight for the wrong reasons you will end up disappointed. If I was losing weight for a man, the LAST thing I would want him to see is me looking like a Perdue whole fryer, lol.  That's why you have to be comfortable in the skin that you're in. 

Well, that statement may make you wonder, "Then why are you having the tummy tuck?!??"  I'm so glad you asked!  One, it will make putting the kidney in easier once I have my transplant, thus making it medically necessary.  But my biggest point is if that tummy tuck wasn't an option, I would have to be comfortable in the skin that I was in, butt in the front or not.  I can eat clean to lean out my abs and do all types of ab work to define and shape them, but if I wasn't meant to have a washboard stomach, I would just have to accept it.  I can be honest...I am tall and curveless...except for my chest, lol.  I don't have a curvy shape that many women are pumping their bodies full of foreign matter to get and I'm okay with that. Now, in no way am I putting down anyone who chooses to alter their bodies to feel more comfortable in their skin.  What I am saying is check your motives for WHY you're doing it...is it for you?  If you were forced to live your life without that procedure, could you do it?  I understand this tummy tuck is not a quick fix and that afterwards I will still be chubby and need to lose additional weight...and I am okay with that.  We have to make sure we aren't being fueled by all of the wrong reasons.

So, February 25th is the day lovies!!!  Until then, I will still train hard, eat right (most of the time) and keep on this journey because it's for a lifetime.  
   

A Couple of Forevers....

Lovies!!!!  This post is going to be a bit different.  The basis of my blog is taking you through the transplant process with me.  As I've gotten into this I've realized that sharing certain things has proven to be cathartic for me.  This post will be about...love.  This topic is VERY difficult for me to share and be transparent about because I'm a firm believer in keeping my business just that...my business.  While I won't divulge everything I've been through blow by blow, I will address my evolution in how I approach love and how I learned to accept it.

This whole post comes from watching one of my ABSOLUTE favorite movies, Just Wright.  It stars Common, Queen Latifah and Paula Patton.  The synopsis is Common plays a professional basketball player, Scott McKnight, who is like the Michael Jordan of the league.  Queen Latifah plays Leslie Wright, a physical therapist extraordinaire and die hard Scott McKnight fan.  Her godsister, Morgan, lives with her with the aspiration to "be somebody" which translates to finding a "baller" and becoming a basketball wife.  After a chance meeting in a gas station, Scott invites Leslie to his birthday party and Leslie brings Morgan along.  After playing hard to get, Scott and Morgan fall in love and he proposes to her.  Shortly after, he injures his knee and it could be a career ending injury.  Morgan solicits Leslie to move in and become Scott's full time physical therapist.  During his recuperation, Morgan dumps Scott out of the blue not even saying goodbye, only leaving a letter and the engagement ring.  Leslie remains to rehab Scott and pulls him out of his heartbroken slump.  She encourages him, believes in him and unbeknownst to the viewer, they begin to fall in love.  Scott eventually returns to the court to a rough start.  After a pep talk from Leslie, he goes out there and doesn't miss a beat.  To celebrate, Scott takes Leslie out to a fancy dinner, refurbishes her Mustang and the night ends with kisses and a little more.  Leslie awakens the next morning to Morgan popping up at the house begging Scott to give her another chance.  Leslie overhears the conversation, and tells Scott that being his friend just isn't good enough for her.  Soon after, word travels through the NBA about her stellar work and she receives numerous offers from various teams to be an athletic trainer...including Scott's team.  As Scott gives an interview he explains that what got him through the tough times of rehabbing was Leslie.  She made the worst three months of his life the best.  She made him laugh.  She believed in him and was his cheerleader when he didn't believe in himself.  He leaves the interview in to find her and Morgan, who watched the whole thing from behind the scenes tells Scott where Leslie is.  He finds her, pours his heart out to her and tells her, she's just right for him.  She immediately calls and takes the trainer position for his team, they get married and live happily ever after.

I hope you caught all of that, lol.  Anyway, I LOOOOOVE this movie for so many reasons.  When I see Leslie Wright, I see myself.  Sports fanatic...laid back girl but knows when to turn her femininity on...tall, thick chick...not plain, not glamorous but possessing her own beauty...guys always seem to think she makes the perfect "friend" because she's so chill...and on the pursuit to find that man who can't live without her.  My favorite part about this movie is that FOR ONCE, that girl got the guy.  Not just any guy but THE guy.  Leslie's own mother tried to dissuade her from going after Scott because "she wasn't the kind of girl to end up with that type of guy"...why can't she end up with that type of guy?  I've dated some real dingleberries in my lifetime because I didn't think I deserved "that guy" but I've come to a realization...why can't I have him?  Because it doesn't fit into societal ideas about who I should end up with? Society paints a picture that you have to be a fashion model to get a certain caliber of man and I'm here to tell you I REFUSE to give in to that anymore. I deserve the tallest, most attractive, most successful man out there because I am a good woman and would be good to that man.  I'm not out here trying to make a career out of his fame or success.  And I'm not saying you should seek out a guy because of who he is.  What I am saying is don't sell yourself short because people feel someone is "out of your league"...we sell ourselves short everyday.  God has his absolute best for you so don't settle for what feels comfortable...choose what feels magical.  When I pray to God for love I always tell him I want an extraordinary love.  If it's a janitor or Adam Richman (who I have such an unhealthy crush on, lol)...just let it be the man you have for me.  Who says that Adam Richman won't fall head over heels in love with me...because I'm not famous?  Because I'm not a size 2 with blonde hair flowing down my back?  I believe he can love me because my heart is pure and sincere.  
The best thing I ever did for myself was to block out the offerings of others and listen to my own heart.  Love will find me when I am ready.  Until then, I will continue to be the wonderful me that I am and keep believing that God is molding his best just for me...and he's doing the same for you.  Love yourself Lovies...and love will find you <3

A Change Is a Brewing...

Lovies!!!!  It's been awhile since I just blogged my feelings so, here it goes:

The year is almost over.  That means a lot to me.  I can remember this time last year praying & crying out to God because it felt like he had forgotten about me.  When I say that, it just felt like I was stuck...going nowhere in particular...stagnant if you will.  Around this time last year is also when the Year of Wellness was introduced to me.  I remember thinking, "Something good has to happen for me at some time, why not this".  I NEVER could have dreamed that this year would unfold the way that it did.  Not only did God NOT forget about me, he has taken me on a path I never could have imagined.  This year has been full of surprises, life changing opportunities, a little heartbreak but we'll talk about that later, lol, but most of all it's been about change.

Most people don't like change, I was one of them.  I realized though, it wasn't the change I didn't like.  It was the process that I most often went through that was the problem.  You see, with change its not convenient to when YOU want it to happen.  It doesn't conform to what make you comfortable.  It's about pushing your boundaries and transforming you, if you allow it.  I liken it to the proverbial coal.  Put it under pressure, it turns into a diamond.  Right now, I've been polished, my facets cut and the light is hitting me so that I shine to the world.  I appreciate everything that I've been through.  It may have SUCKED at the time, but its made me who I am today and I wouldn't trade that in for the world.  I'm not perfect, but I'm a good person and it shows.  That's worth more than anything to me.

So, I'm embracing another change...tummy tuck surgery.  As some of my weight loss lovies know, you can exercise until you pass out and some places on your body won't change.  My legs are toned (they are looking amazing actually, lol), my face is smaller, I have baby guns peeking out my arms, but my stomach honey, let me tell you.  This butt in the front is going NOWHERE!!!  It's tight up under there, but that means nothing if you have skin hanging to your knees covering it up, lol.  So, I WELCOME this tummy tuck.  I've been in a hate/hate relationship with my stomach my entire life so it feels like God answered my prayers.  I will continue to eat right and exercise AFTER my procedure to continue losing weight and tone up.  Let me explain it this way...I love taking pics from the chest up because I look like a completely different person.  I love how my legs photograph...but I DETEST full length pictures because when I look at them all I see is my stomach and it makes me feel like I haven't lost a single pound.  I've worked hard and I want to be able to look at myself and see that hard work translated.  NO ONE should have to live with a butt in the front if they don't want to, lol.

I'm also going to chop all my hair off, but I'll save those details until it's done. I feel like this was vague, but I just wanted to share how I'm feeling without giving away too much information.  Hopefully you get an idea of the road I'm traveling and understand how AWESOME it is and how grateful I am to be chosen to take it...until we meet again Lovies!!!  Love you, inside and out <3

Be My Guest....Again

Well, it looks like someone took the summer off, lol.  Hello my Lovies!  Its been about 4 months since my last post.  So you know that means I shall be giving you a novel.  So really INCREDIBLE things have happened over the past few months that I can't wait to share with you....so let's get to it:

1.  Unfortunately I haven't lost any weight in the last four months...but I have lost hella inches!!!  This brings me to my first soapbox...STOP BEING NUMBERS OBSESSED!!!  DO NOT let the scale dictate how well you're progressing on your journey.  I have a million and one factors that force my numbers to fluctuate.  Yet, my clothes continue to get bigger and my body is the smallest its ever been.  When I look in the mirror I don't even recognize myself.  I'm finally at the stage of seeing a dramatic change.  I remain consistent and when I feel myself getting off track, I sit and figure out what has changed.  I will always live by the motto "Progress not perfection"

2.  I've been doing a lot of work with the Gift of Hope which is an organ procurement organization here in Illinois.  I've had the opportunity to speak at a few events advocating the importance of organ donation and encouraging others to sign up to be a donor.  I am sooooooo grateful that God has orchestrated this relationship because the things I've experienced are mind blowing.  They're implementing a program in high schools where they'll be showing a video of a transplant candidate/recipient explaining why organ donation is important.  I was blessed with the opportunity to be one  of the people filmed in hopes that my story will be picked and shown.

These are a few shots I was able to capture before filming began.  The whole experience was absolutely surreal.  Even if my story isn't chosen, to be considered was absolutely humbling.

I also got to speak to a crowd of medical professionals about the importance and impact of organ donation.  Among the speakers for that day were Secretary of State Jesse White.  To be on the same agenda as him...I have no words!

 

 This is a copy of the official agenda for the day. 

                                                                         This is a picture of me giving my speech and afterwards having a candid moment with one of the awesome Gift of Hope staffers.


But the highlight of this summer and maybe of the year....I GOT TO GO TO A BEARS GAME!!!  Let me tell you, I was given the ULTIMATE Bears experience and was able to share it with others!!!  I was picked to participate in the 4th phase flag ceremony, where we basically were on field with a HUGE Bears flag welcoming the team on the field!!!  UN-FREAKING-REAL!!!  I got the chance to stand on the field with Chicago Bears great Dick Butkus amongst others.  Of course I have loads of pics but I'll share the best ones, lol

 The cutest little Bear fan...I was READY!!!

 Waiting with the other 4th Phase participants...it rained that day, but I didn't feel a drop, lol

The schedule and the moment it all became real!

 Waiting in the tunnel to walk out onto the field...I was so excited

 The much coveted flag.  At this point I was just trying to remember all the instructions so that I didn't mess up, lol

 Walking the Chicago Bear's field en route to get in place

 Yes...this really happened

 Two of the most awesomest people as we unfolded the flag to welcome our CHICAGO BEARS!!!!

 THE CHICAGO BEARS!!!!

 The Bears setting up their first touchdown

 TOUCHDOOOOOOWN!!!

 Number 33 is Charles "Peanut" Tillman.  It's because of him I was able to have this awesome experience.  His daughter had a life saving heart transplant as an infant.  Mr. Tillman pays his gratitude forward by being involved with the Gift of Hope among other organ donation organizations.  I salute you Mr. Tillman!

 Devin Hester hyping up the crowd!  

BEARS WIIIIIN!!!  Vikings who, lol

As you can see, I HAD A BALL!!!  It's an experience I will never forget and will hard to match!  Next Saturday I am scheduled to speak at another Gift of Hope even honoring the families who've made the ultimate sacrifice of donating their deceased loved one's organs.  My goal is to have them understand how grateful we are for their unselfish decision to help others.

3.  This year instead of volunteering for the Gift of Life walk, I ACTUALLY WALKED.  It was a 5k and I finished in about an hour (including a 15 minute break, lol).  I walked by myself, threw on my tunes and was focused.  I never dreamed I could finish something like this, but as I've learned over the past couple years, I can do anything I put my mind to.  To see that finish line, I've never been so happy to finish something in my life, lol.  Next year, maybe I'll run instead of walk...maybe I need to focus on taking baby steps, lol

 The starting line...I had no idea what I was in for, lol

 "ONE step at a time to help Fight chronic kidney disease"

 How amazing is this view of Lake Michigan!!!

 I FINISHED!!!  Now where is some water and a soft patch of grass to pass out in, lol

This is my "it hurts" face.  I got nice and tanned too...wasn't complaining about that!

4.  I was invited as a special guest at the Fitness Formula Clubs employee party this year.  I was asked to come and speak about my journey to show the employees the impact they can have in a client's life.  This night was easily one of the best experiences of my life.  I know I was there to encourage them, but they gave me much more in return.  To see so many people who may not know me personally yet they are SO invested in my journey and so excited about the progress I've made makes me so emotional every time I think about it.  I'm so grateful to everyone at FFC for supporting me and keeping me focused on this journey.  I don't think I can say thank you enough, so I will spend the rest of my life trying.

A picture of my trainer, myself and the man who birthed the Year of Wellness competition, Jeff Riney.  I'm so grateful for these two who believe in me and keep me encouraged because they find inspiration in my story.

Unfortunately, my reign as the inaugural Year of Wellness winner is coming to an end :(.  Winning this contest opened up Pandora's box of blessings for me this year.  Prayerfully, it may not be over just yet and I can't WAIT to share more details about that.  Keep your fingers crossed for me.

5.  I've been diligent in keeping up with my transplant process.  Attending seminars to stay as informed as I can.  Next month I have an appointment with the plastic surgeon for my consultation for the tummy tuck.  Can we say YES GAWD!!!! LoL!  I realized last week that while the rest of my body has gone through a noticeable transformation, my stomach still resembles a butt in the front.  Granted, I have some loose skin on my arms and legs that I know I can tighten and tone but this stomach...it makes me feel like I haven't lost an inch.  I detest taking full body pictures because a girdle can only do so much magic.  This tummy tuck is truly for me and to help me feel better about the progress I have made.  I know that I won't be "model perfect" afterwards, but for me it will validate the progress that I know I've worked hard to make.  If God says the same, hopefully I will be starting 2014 a lot more svelte and able to buy jeans that fit my waist AND my legs, lol

 This picture blows my mind...the difference a year can make.  

This is my favorite picture of myself.  When I look at this girl, I see a beautiful person.  I honestly don't recognize her and it's not just about the physical transformation.  This girl is now a woman who knows who she is and makes no apologies for it.  She is determined to make her mark in this world because she lives by this mantra:

So, as you can see I've been UBER busy over the past few months with awesome things.  Of course I've continued cooking and have tons of pics to share with the recipes to follow but because this post is already lengthy, I will make it a separate post.  I missed you guys and hope you feel all caught up!  I'll be back sooner than you think *winks*...Be great Lovies and love you just the way you are <3

Chicken Vino Bianco

Lovies!!!!  So long...so much to tell.  But instead of boring you tonight, I'm going to share that Chicken Vino Bianco recipe that I made.  Dare I say it was better than Olive Garden???!?!?  No, I won't run tail out with it, but it was GOOD!!!!  Here it goes:

 My plating was a bit subpar, but it was delicious just the same.  

 A closer look.  I don't have a concise recipe like usual, but I am more than willing to share the instructions. Boil some whole grain linguine to a bit shy of al dente and set aside. I took two chicken cutlets and seasoned them with salt and pepper.  I then coated them with flour and sauteed them in a couple shakes of olive oil until golden brown.  I removed them and added to the remaining oil mushrooms, tomatoes, purple onions, and garlic.  I didn't give specific amounts because this is up to your taste.  If you like mushrooms, add as many as you'd like.  If you're an onion person, add them until your hearts content.  After they soften up a bit, add a cup of white wine and the juice of half a lemon.  Personally, I added the juice of a whole lemon but we know I have an acid addiction.  Next, add a handful of fresh chopped parsley and check your sauce for salt and pepper. Let the wine cook out and reduce.  Add the chicken back into the skillet to allow it to finish cooking and the flour from the chicken will naturally thicken the sauce up some.  Once it has reduced, add a couple pats of unsalted butter to thicken the sauce more and help it coat the pasta.  What pasta you ask?  That whole grain linguine you set aside.  Add it to the sauce and allow them to marry for a couple of minutes.  Plate the pasta, top with the chicken and veggies and you're eating kid!

 Yea, it was good, lol

 I tried a variation with shrimp...shrimp vino bianco...I broke every food rule and sprinkled it with some grated parm...I'm sorry food Gods, lol

I promise that I won't stay away like that again.  I also give my word that once I process through everything and get a little stronger to share what has kept me from my baby.  I missed sharing my milestones, successes and failures with you guys.  Here's staying being strong and staying true to you.  Love yourself everlastingly lovies!

I did want to add a note…if you aren't a drinker, like myself, you may find that cup of wine a bit overwhelming…you can cut it with chicken broth…I find that using half wine half broth is the perfect balance for me

The Break Up Letter

I was poking around on some social networking site when I saw an idea I thought was phenomenal!!!  It suggested writing a break up letter to your fat...now that sounds comical initially, but when you think about it that could be absolutely powerful.  We, we meaning women lol, often go through this ceremonious process of getting closure from exes...why not do the same thing with unwanted weight?  They're both baggage that you no longer want to carry around.  This process is also cathartic in allowing you to understand what has been holding you back from doing what's best for you.  We often go on tangents to let our exes know what went wrong in relationships and we need to have that same attitude towards unwanted weight.  I encourage you sit down, be alone with your thoughts and take the time to write your unwanted weight an overdue Dear John letter.  I want to share mine with all of my Lovies out there...hoping it motivates you to do the same.

Dear Fat;

We've been partners in crime since I can remember.  I have always been chunky, chubby...let's just be honest, I was the fat kid.  Not only was I big but I was also tall.  This made it hard to hide and believe me people never let me.  For years, whenever I walked into a room I felt like the spotlight was on me...and not for good reasons. There could be a hundred  people in the room but for some reason I was the one everyone found to make fun of.  For whatever reason I just took it...because somehow I felt like I deserved it.  As I got older, I embraced who I was more but it still spawned other insecurities. People would take pictures of me and after seeing them I would go home and cry.  Was this the way I looked to others?  I tried getting rid of you, MULTIPLE times, but I didn't think I was worthy of letting you go.  As I sit here 120 lighter, I bid you adieu because I thought I would die with you still apart of me.  I let you keep me from living my life, but that is no more.  I let you keep me from being loved the way I deserved to be loved but that is no more.  Fat, I say goodbye to you and every piece of negativity you manifested in my life.  I will always remember you because I must remember where I came from so that I don't return.  I understand that you will always be in my life, but no longer will you control my life.  This is my break up letter to you and I end it with saying farewell.

Afternoon Lovies!!!  I finally took some initiative and linked all of my random entities together to make navigation easier...in other words I finally linked my Pinterest account with my blog, lol.  That way you can look at all my amateur pics and then with a simple click grab the recipe off my blog amongst other things.  I'm really excited about this and welcome all of the new company this will ensue!!!  It gets a bit lonely feeling like I'm talking to myself, lol.  

http://pinterest.com/tasteawythepnds/

That's the link...it should be live but if it isn't copying and pasting should work.  :):):)

Seafood Pasta

I'm back Lovies...and armed with a delicious recipe.  Yesterday, I was poking around Instagram and saw a plate that made me absolutely hungry, lol.  So, as usual, my wheels started turning and the next thing I knew I was at the produce market picking up ingredients to make this wonderful seafood pasta.  It was soooooooo good and took less than 30 minutes to put together.

This was the finished product with a side of sauteed spinach...I like to bulk up my veggies as much as I can

 One of my favorite parts of cooking is prep work.  I like to get my cutting board, knives, all of my ingredients, turn on my music and just get in the zone...it's so relaxing to me

Sauteing one shallot, 2 stalks of green onion, 6 tomato berries (same thing as grape or cherry tomatoes), parsley, one cherry pepper and 2 cloves of garlic in some olive oil.  

 Once the veggies softened, I added half a cup of white wine.  I like to add it first so that some of the alcohol can cook off.  

 Next, I added a fourth of a cup of low sodium chicken broth and the juice from half a lemon to build the sauce.

 I added three SMALL pats of unsalted butter to give the sauce a velvety texture and to help it adhere to the pasta better by giving it some viscosity.  It also makes it taste good, lol

 As the sauce began to simmer it was time to add the herbs and seasonings.  This is up to your taste.  This particular day I added some dried basil, herbs de provence, kosher salt, coarse ground pepper and red pepper flakes.

 Then it was time for the seafood.  I added 6 little neck clams first.  I covered the skillet with a lid until the clams opened.  Then I added a fourth of a pound of scallops and raw shrimp.  I allowed it to simmer for about 7 minutes until everything was about cooked through.

As I was preparing the sauce, I boiled some whole grain linguine and once it was al dente I added it to my sauce and let it simmer for a few minutes to finish cooking and absorb some of that sauce.  

This is the finished product.  I would like to note that I did remove the clams from the shells because I'm weird about accidentally chewing on shells while enjoying my vittles...but if you're into presentation, feel free to leave them whole.  

And this is it!  It was VERY good and warmed up very well the next day for lunch.  The seafood was cooked perfectly, not rubbery or tough.  The lemon was just enough to brighten up all of the flavors without being overpowering.  It was herbaceous and savory...trust me it was good, lol.  Hope you guys enjoy and remember to progress not perfection! 

Be My Guest....

While I try to catch up on what's been going on in my life this past month, lol.  So many things to share...I'll try and condense it as much as possible.  So, here it is:

1.  My 30th birthday.  I finally entered the 3rd decade and I must say I ENJOYED myself!!!  I had three separate celebrations and by the time the last one came I was POOPED, but of course there were a series of events that led up to it...this IS my life of course.  The day after my birthday, which was on a Wednesday, that Thursday I had to have outpatient surgery.  I get home and my leg decides that it had enough work and it was taking a vacation.  I went to the ER at 10:30 pm where there was a 10 hour wait.  I finally saw a doctor around 3 am who gave me 2 vicodin for the pain.  I got home at 5:30 am went to sleep to wake up at 7:30 am to go to dialysis.  Yea.  Came home around 2:30 pm and could NOT sleep and went out for my birthday dinner around 7:30 pm.  Got home at midnightish and had the sweetest slumber I've known, lol.  I've never felt SOOOOOOO loved on my birthday and had so many people reach out to me.  Easily the best birthday ever.

2.  I reached the biggest weight loss goal of my life and said ta ta to the 300's.  I can't remember a time in my life where I wasn't in the 300's.  At my highest weight I was around 420.  To see that 2 was gratifying but also scary.  My biggest fear is that this weight will find its way back.  I will grow complacent and forget everything that I've learned because staying fit is "too hard".  While I know I can only take it one day at a time, these thoughts do sit in the back of my mind.

3.  I got an offer to be a guest blogger for a great website/blog about self-actualization and finding your identity.  I'm over the moon excited about it and can't wait to share more info with you once I get it, lol

4.  I got a haircut...I'm pretty ambivalent about it.  I know that it was necessary and it's really cute but my hair hasn't been this short since 1946...it will take some getting used to.

5.  I made homemade Chicken Vino Bianco last night and I shedded a tear.  To know that one of my most favorite dishes is no longer banned from my diet, words can't describe.  Of course I tweaked it some to make it healthy...I have pics so I can do a recipe blog

6.  Typing all of this out like this, as sort of a vent, is feeling really cathartic right now.  Today I had a BUNCH of stimulus and it had me feeling all over the place emotionally.  I've never mentioned this before, but I have anxiety and panicking issues.  Days, like today, when there seems to be a million different things going in a billion different directions are really hard for me to process and just be vulnerable to.  Keeping all this inside makes me feel worse so to feel like I'm releasing it...it's like I can breathe again.

7.  Lucky seven...I'll share the biggest news here.  Last week, well actually the week before last but who has time for particulars lol, I had an appointment with the transplant team.  I was meeting with the transplant nephrologist and social worker just to see if  I'd lost enough weight to start taking tests so once I got to my goal weight I could FINALLY be listed.  I'll save you all the rambling details, but long story short the transplant team decided I am an operable size and as of last Monday I AM OFFICIALLY LISTED FOR A TRANSPLANT!!!!!!  I know that it's nothing but the favor of God that did it.  I don't know if I can convey the MAGNITUDE of what has happened, but honey believe me IT'S BIG!  Furthermore, after I lose a few more pounds they're going to send me to have a tummy tuck...and my insurance will pay for it!!!  Tell me God ain't good, lol.  A kidney and flat abs, yes please!  I feel so blessed.  What meant the most to me was to see the reaction when I told my trainer.  I knew he cared, but he truly is just as invested in this as I am.  God has put some AWESOME people in my life and my prayer is to never take them for granted and always make them proud.

I think that's about it.  I promise not to stay away so long again but as you see March had a lot going on!  This weekend I'm going away with my Mom to get some MUCH needed rest and do some MORE needed shopping, lol.  I only have 3 pairs of pants that fit, but I'm not complaining...at all.  I have TONS of pics to share, including food pics with recipes.  I know you guys are going to love some of my newest creations...until we meet again...Be Healthy Lovies :)

Skillet Cabbage

I'm sure I could have found a better name for this dish but, yea...it's cabbage made in a skillet, lol.  I must be honest...as a kid, well into adulthood, I DETESTED cabbage.  I was used to cabbage being prepared with smoked meat that was cooked down for hours and essentially, mushy.  It was kind of bland and just wasn't appetizing to me.  As I got older and widened my palate, I began sampling other cuisines and stumbled upon Jamaican stir-fried cabbage.  HELLO!  Where had this been all my life!!!??!?!?  Flavorful, wonderfully fresh and crisp but tender.  I needed to figure out how to make this for myself.  I tinkered around with it for awhile before I got it to my liking.  And now, cabbage hold a dear place in my heart...and I'm going to share how to make them have a place in yours.

Now, I must give a small disclaimer.  I have been known on more than a few occasions to start these cabbage off with bacon.  EVERYTHING is better with a little bacon, lol.  A dear friend is on a meatless fast and asked for this recipe so I will be giving it using just veg, but I would be doing you all a great disservice to not mention that bacon seals these cabbage with love, lol.

Now on to business...

These are essentially the bulk of your ingredients.  Above starting from the top right are two stalks of celery, three carrots, one green bell pepper, a cubanelle pepper, a red jalapeno, half of a purple onion and one and a half heads of cabbage.  The trick is slicing everything as thin as possible.  As you can see above these thing aren't exactly razor thin, but you don't want large pieces.  Also, the process is MUCH easier if you slice everything up before you start cooking so that you transition to each step smoothly.

You want to start by sauteeing your onions, all three peppers, carrots and celery in a couple of shakes of olive oil. I use a large heavy bottomed skillet with a medium high heat. Salt them to season them and help them begin to soften.  You only want to cook them for about 5-7 mins...they should still have some firmness. Next add some red pepper flakes...about a teaspoon.  This is enough to add flavor but not an exponetial amount of heat. You will have some brown bits at the bottom of the pan.  Add a little red wine vinegar...about a fourth of a cup.  Now, I must warn you to stand back when you add the vinegar to the hot pan...the fumes can be overwhelming.  Use a spatula to scrap those bits up as they will flavor the vinegar.  This liquid mixture will begin the base liquid that you will cook your cabbage in.  Next you want to start adding your cabbage.  You may find that trying to add all of your raw cabbage to the skillet is difficult so you may have to do this a little at a time.  I find it easiest to fill up the pan, salt it just a bit, stir the warm contents from the bottom of the pan on to the top of the raw cabbage, place a lid on the skillet and allow the liquid to steam it down some and repeat until all the cabbage is in.  Once you've wilted everything down add about 24 ounces, or 3 cups, of low sodium chicken broth.  I like to add a few banana pepper rings along with about a fourth of a cup of the juice from the pepper jar to add some layers to the flavor. I throw in a couple bay leaves for flavor but feel free to play around with whatever herbs you like...thyme would be really good here also. You also want to check the cooking liquid and make sure it's seasoned properly. This is important because this is what you're veggies are cooking in so if it isn't well seasoned, your veggies won't be either. Salt it to you're liking, add coarse ground black pepper and a tablespoon of sugar.  This will balance the savory and enhance the natural sweetness of the vegetable but in no way will you're cabbage be "sweet". Cut you're heat down to medium or medium low, place the lid back on and let them simmer for 45 minutes to an hour. They're pretty low maintenance meaning you don't have to babysit them...just check them occasionally because the liquid is going to cook out until it's just about gone and you don't want to burn the contents of the skillet.  And that's it.  Once everything is your desired tenderness, you're ready to eat!!!  Don't forget that these cabbage and veggies cook up pretty quick because they're cut a bit on the small side.  If you prefer bigger pieces, that's perfectly fine...just allow a few more minutes for cooking.

I hope this helps and if you have any questions please comment below...I'll also give a list of what I used to make gathering ingredients a wee bit easier...Happy eating Lovies!

Grocery List

2 green cabbages, slice 1 and 1 half

2 celery stalks, trimmed and cleaned

3 carrots, peeled

1 purple onion, halved

1 green pepper

1 cubanelle pepper

1 jalapeno pepper (if you don't like jalapenos, any pepper will work or just double up on the bell peppers)

A forkful of banana peppers and juice

24 ounces low sodium chicken broth

2 bay leaves

Kosher salt

Coarse ground black pepper

Red wine vinegar (any vinegar will work)

Olive oil