It's funny...today my trainer asked me if I'd blogged about my latest transplant update. It made me wonder if he reads this, lol. Well, I took that as a sign that I needed to share my news so in staying true to myself I'll give you some background on this whole transplant business, lol
Before my kidneys ever went out we, my doctor, myself and my mother, visited this whole transplant thing. My mother offered to be my living donor. I refused. I mentioned before that my dad also has end-stage renal failure. He had a transplant that lasted for 10 years. He had to begin dialysis again 2 months before I started. My mother, father and I all have the same blood type which is good when considering transplantation. I told her then, at least 4 years ago, and I tell her now that I want her to save that kidney for my dad. My dad is older and his body has been through A LOT being on dialysis for 30+ years. I'm young, I can fight much longer than he can. So, that brought the question, "What are YOU going to do for a transplant????"
To be honest, when I first started dialysis I didn't really want a transplant. After everything I'd gone through with my dad I realized that a kidney isn't a cure. What I mean by that is while a kidney SIGNIFICANTLY increases your quality of living, you will always have this "problem". Once that kidney has run it's course, your "problem" returns and its right back to it. Then there was the fact that I was 120 pounds overweight. At that time losing that amount of weight was simply a notion...it wasn't realistic nor did it seem tangible.
What it really was is that I was comfortable. Remember, that box I talked about before? I wasn't ready to step outside of it. I was still scared to live because I knew in the back of my mind that in order to get to where I REALLY wanted to be, I needed to do something I'd never done...lose weight and work towards that transplant.
In my defense, when I first started dialysis I was my dad's primary caregiver after having a series of serious medical instances and I wasn't thinking about living...I was just trying to make it from day to day without breaking him, lol. That's how I REALLY ended up at the gym. I was my dad's primary caregiver, and I still am, and I began experiencing burnout. I decided to join the gym in an effort to kill two birds with one stone...I could get out and have some time for myself and release some aggression that came with feeling burned out. Losing weight for the transplant wasn't really a priority. Even as I began to lose weight it was more for me and not thinking about a kidney. Although I was working and that goal was getting closer, in my mind I'd still made it unattainable.
I always tell people my fitness journey has been SOOOOOO much more than about losing weight...it's truly changed me as a person. It's made me believe in myself. I see what I can accomplish and that I have what it takes to get things done. As I began to embrace this mindset, it was actually my doctors who suggested that I go for the transplant. They all agreed that because I'd made so much progress and showed real moxie in reaching my goal that perhaps the transplant team would let me begin my work up early so I could at least start gaining time towards when I am listed. I hope that made sense, lol...this brings me to that post of when the transplant dietitian disrupted my entire universe. Although she got COMPLETELY under my skin and farted on my self-esteem I couldn't quit. What I had to do was go back to the basics...not losing weight for a kidney but because it made me feel good. That brings me to my news...I know you're saying, "FINALLY!!!" lol
I got a call from the dietitian and she informed me that...the transplant team are going to let me go ahead and start my workup!!!! Everyone says I should be more excited than I am but I won't be satisfied until the appointments are made, lol. This process isn't a quick one by a long shot but I've learned to appreciate the process. That's where you grow and it allows you to be grateful in the end because YOU know where you came from and what you went through. The day when I can pick up a gallon of water and drink it straight down like I used to...THAT will be a special, special day lol.
So lovies remember...it's not how you get to your journey, it's having enough courage to take the first step and the determination to keep stepping. Never Quit!!!
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