Been gone for awhile...no real reason.  Well, there have been some things on my mind that I'm trying to sort out.  

My 30th birthday is in 15 days.  Ten years ago I turned 20 and if that girl saw her life today, I'd dare say she'd be rather disappointed.  Don't get me wrong, my life isn't anything to complain about.  I have God, family, friends (albeit a small handful), and most importantly love.  My disappointment is that my plans included taking over the world by the time I hit this milestone.  I understand that my plans are not God's plans but I can't but feel a little...disappointed.  Today, I decided to look for a part time job.  Something to occupy my mind and supplement my income when I was faced with a harsh realization.  The only thing I'm qualified to do is the absolute LAST thing on earth I WANT to do.  I would rather pick up poop for pennies than go back to being a social worker.  I love people and helping them, but I'm not the same person I was 3 years ago when saving people was my mission in life.  So now I feel...stuck.  I have no direction and I'm 30...hence my slight funk.  I know what I want to do, but I don't have the foggiest idea how to get there and that's where I've been during my hiatus.  Trying to figure out how to get to the next step.  This blog very well may be the key, so I'm going to be a bit more disciplined in keeping up with it.  I'm just praying for a breakthrough and some understanding.  Until God says so I'll just remain faithful and obedient.  

I will say I have been banging my pots more and eating wonderfully, lol...even took pics to share

Homemade meatballs in homemade marinara.  When I cook I like to make double batches because the spirit of cooking is not always upon me, lol.  Remixing leftovers is a weird obsession of mine and this is one of my better ones.  I took a couple leftover meatballs, warmed them up in some of the marinara, put it all on top of a piece of toasted garlic bread, sprinkled it with chopped giardiniera hot peppers and  blanketed it with some yummy provolone.  Popped it in the oven to melt the cheese and it was good eating, lol (Excuse the mess on my floor...I wasn't feeling particularly OCD this day)

This was a sandwich I snuck into my treatment with me one day, lol.  D'Amato's bakery tomato bread, low sodium turkey and provolone cheese.  A-MAZING!

Now this was a thing of beauty!  Blackened catfish fillet and shrimp over salad. I somehow skipped lunch that day and decided double protein would be a good idea.  

This is the salad underneath the fish that you can't see.  I was thinking about adding an egg for even more protein but got lazy and didn't want to peel it, lol. All of these bright, beautiful colors is a clear indication that I was putting some great nutrients and vitamins in my body.  The more colors, the better it is for you.  Oh yea, I made the croutons too!

This is my typical breakfast on treatment days.  This is a strawberry orange protein shake and some of the KIND products I won with the Year of Wellness contest.  The granola is amazing plain as a snack or with some soy milk and berries for breakfast.  I believe that is a Madagascar vanilla nut bar which is not only delicious but it only has 5 gms of sugar making it lower in sugar than regular KIND bars.  SCORE!

This is an amazingly healthy dinner.  Seared salmon, quinoa salad and a plain baked sweet potato.  Quinoa is such a great food that you must add to your diet...gluten free, high in protein and very tasty!  I cooked this quinoa in chicken broth.  I then added chopped tri-color bell peppers, cucumbers and grape tomatoes.  I dressed it in vinegar, olive oil, salt, pepper and Mrs. Dash table seasoning. Again, you see all of those wonderful colors letting you know you're getting good nutrients in your food. Great thing about the quinoa salad is I made a big bowl of it and I was able to nosh on it for days.  I looooooooove seltzer water...doesn't it look so amazing and refreshing in the cup with some crushed ice! 

I made this last night for dinner and ate the leftover sauce for breakfast this morning along with some mandarins and blackberries, lol.  Homemade bolognese with whole grain spaghetti.  This was INSANELY delicious.  Of course I didn't use any milk/cream or parm like traditional bolognese calls for, and it was just as flavorful and delicious.  This also only took me about 45 mins. to make compared to the traditional 3-4 hours.  I can't say enough good things about this meal...maybe I'll just have to share the recipe so you can find out for yourself.

And finally, this was my dinner tonight.  We got a bit of a snowstorm so I was forced to dig around in the fridge and pull something together.  I found some boneless, skinless chicken breasts.  I split them to make cooking them a little easier, seasoned with salt, pepper, onion and garlic powder, red pepper flakes and Tapatio hot sauce.  I breaded them in breadcrumbs mixed with dried italian herbs and browned them off in a skillet with olive oil.  I then let them finish cooking in a 425 degree oven for about 10 mins.  I took some salad greens, dressed them with fresh lemon juice, topped them with a piece of chicken, added another squeeze of lemon and that was dinner.  You will be surprised how wonderfully tasty it was despite it being so simple and let that be a lesson.  You don't have to over complicate food with a million different tastes.  You don't have to smother it with sauces for it to be palate pleasing.  Simple tastes are usually the best tastes.

I hope all of those captions make sense...it's way past my bedtime but I wanted to update and share with you guys.  Oh yea, I got my transplant eval date!!!!!!  One step closer guys...one step closer!!!!!  I'll update you on how that guys.  Sweet dreams lovies!

 

You're Invited...

So I've finally made the decision...to make this blog public. Well, it's always been public but I've finally decided to share some of my most well kept thoughts, amongst other things, with everyone.  The whole point of being consistent with blogging was so that others could follow me as I work towards a transplant.  My life is hard and I often make light of it because that's how I deal with things but that doesn't make it any less tough.  I sometimes find comfort in letting someone peek in...not for them to understand...not even for sympathy or empathy...but just so they can understand no matter what goes on, happiness IS a choice.  I was about to write this long soliloquy about not being perfect, trying to be a better person, blah blah blah.  Look, life has it's ups, life can kick you all the way down.  How you deal with it determines where those bumps take you.  They can leave you pointy, angry and bitter or they can smooth you out, give you a luster shine and make you priceless.  It's your call.  If you ever wanted to know me, this is your chance.  


*******If any of you have ANY blog knowledge and can help me out with this...layout, sharing, ANYTHING, please email me and let me know...ALL HELP IS NEEDED, lol************

The Hardest Part is Starting...

It's funny...today my trainer asked me if I'd blogged about my latest transplant update.  It made me wonder if he reads this, lol.  Well, I took that as a sign that I needed to share my news so in staying true to myself I'll give you some background on this whole transplant business, lol

Before my kidneys ever went out we, my doctor, myself and my mother, visited this whole transplant thing.  My mother offered to be my living donor.  I refused.  I mentioned before that my dad also has end-stage renal failure.  He had a transplant that lasted for 10 years.  He had to begin dialysis again 2 months before I started.  My mother, father and I all have the same blood type which is good when considering transplantation.  I told her then, at least 4 years ago, and I tell her now that I want her to save that kidney for my dad. My dad is older and his body has been through A LOT being on dialysis for 30+ years.  I'm young, I can fight much longer than he can.  So, that brought the question, "What are YOU going to do for a transplant????"

To be honest, when I first started dialysis I didn't really want a transplant.  After everything I'd gone through with my dad I realized that a kidney isn't a cure.  What I mean by that is while a kidney SIGNIFICANTLY increases your quality of living, you will always have this "problem".  Once that kidney has run it's course, your "problem" returns and its right back to it.  Then there was the fact that I was 120 pounds overweight.  At that time losing that amount of weight was simply a notion...it wasn't realistic nor did it seem tangible.  

What it really was is that I was comfortable.  Remember, that box I talked about before?  I wasn't ready to step outside of it.  I was still scared to live because I knew in the back of my mind that in order to get to where I REALLY wanted to be, I needed to do something I'd never done...lose weight and work towards that transplant.  

In my defense, when I first started dialysis I was my dad's primary caregiver after having a series of serious medical instances and I wasn't thinking about living...I was just trying to make it from day to day without breaking him, lol.  That's how I REALLY ended up at the gym.  I was my dad's primary caregiver, and I still am, and I began experiencing burnout.  I decided to join the gym in an effort to kill two birds with one stone...I could get out and have some time for myself and release some aggression that came with feeling burned out.  Losing weight for the transplant wasn't really a priority.  Even as I began to lose weight it was more for me and not thinking about a kidney.  Although I was working and that goal was getting closer, in my mind I'd still made it unattainable.  

I always tell people my fitness journey has been SOOOOOO much more than about losing weight...it's truly changed me as a person.  It's made me believe in myself.  I see what I can accomplish and that I have what it takes to get things done.  As I began to embrace this mindset, it was actually my doctors who suggested that I go for the transplant.  They all agreed that because I'd made so much progress and showed real moxie in reaching my goal that perhaps the transplant team would let me begin my work up early so I could at least start gaining time towards when I am listed.  I hope that made sense, lol...this brings me to that post of when the transplant dietitian disrupted my entire universe. Although she got COMPLETELY under my skin and farted on my self-esteem I couldn't quit.  What I had to do was go back to the basics...not losing weight for a kidney but because it made me feel good.  That brings me to my news...I know you're saying, "FINALLY!!!" lol

I got a call from the dietitian and she informed me that...the transplant team are going to let me go ahead and start my workup!!!!  Everyone says I should be more excited than I am but I won't be satisfied until the appointments are made, lol.  This process isn't a quick one by a long shot but I've learned to appreciate the process.  That's where you grow and it allows you to be grateful in the end because YOU know where you came from and what you went through.  The day when I can pick up a gallon of water and drink it straight down like I used to...THAT will be a special, special day lol.  

So lovies remember...it's not how you get to your journey, it's having enough courage to take the first step and the determination to keep stepping.  Never Quit!!!

Another Shopping Trip

Sooooo, I went food shopping a week or so ago and wanted to share it with you guys!!!!  This shopping trip wasn't just fruits and veggies...I got protein also!!!  Quite a bit of it actually, lol

This is my fruits and veggies load.  Lot's o yummy items, lol

This is my protein for a couple weeks.  

I try to buy my protein as I need it.  I don't like wasting food, lol.  Included above are chicken cutlets (which I used to make the parm crusted cutlets in my previous post), a catfish fillet, fresh shrimp, chicken thighs & legs, eggs and my most exciting discovery...a Swai fillet.  I learned about Swai from a few fitness folks I follow on Instagram so when I saw it at the seafood counter it piqued my curiosity.  It was VERY affordable, less than $4.00 for a HEALTHY sized fillet.  I found it to be very similar to catfish.  I prepared it the same way I would a blackened catfish fillet and it was absolutely delicious.  It was milder in flavor but still flavorful and flaky.  I will definitely be making this a staple.

Vegetation, lol

These are the veggies I purchased.  I usually pick my veggies based on sales and what works well with each other.  Peaking out of the corner are some cremini mushrooms.  Mushrooms are definitely one of my staples.  Sauteed, fried or roasted in the oven with fresh lemon juice, mushrooms are one of my favorite sides.  Next to the 'shrooms is coleslaw mix.  I know it seems weird, but I buy for its versatility and ingredients.  Coleslaw mix is a mixture of cabbages and carrots.  This is great to bulk up salads with the cabbage providing a sweetness to your lettuce.  I love it in my homemade ramen since Chinese dishes utilize cabbage. Also, it's cheap.  That whole container was under a buck.  I got my usual container of fresh spinach, some grape tomatoes, a seedless cucumber, some red potatoes, brussels sprouts and another favorite of mine, okra.  Okra is really one of those vegetables you either hate it or love it.  What turns most people off from is is that it can have a slimey texture.  There are ways to cook them to prevent this from happening.  You can fry them with cornmeal to prevent the sliminess but there is another way to prepare them also.  I take okra, trim off the tops and saute them in a skillet with a shake of oil until they turn bright green.  I add a fourth of a cup of water and about a cup and a half of white vinegar. I know that sounds like a lot, but it mellows out tremendously as you season it and let it cook.  Generously add salt and pepper because as the okra cooks the liquid is what is going to season your okra.  Place a lid on the skillet and cook the okra on a low heat until they soften.  Now, I should warn you.  If you let the okra cook too long at this stage, they will get slimey.  Slow cooking activates the slime, lol.  After they soften, remove the lid cut the heat up to medium high and allow the liquid to cook all the way out checking your seasoning throughout and my friend you will have DELICIOUS okra!  Without the slime, lol

Some rainbow swiss chard, baby carrots, asian pears and a mango

This trip set me back about $55.00.  Not bad considering I'm still eating this same food a couple weeks later.  Hope this helps and shows that you can mix things up and have a little variety.  My intent is that you can take these shopping trips, get ideas about how they can help you and personalize it to your diet, tastes, etc.  Happy eating Lovies!!!!