Incredible...

Happy Monday my Lovlies!!!  I know it has been ages but SOOOOOOOO much greatness has been going on and I've been busier than I ever imagined I could be.  My life is amazing y'all.  And not in a bragging way but in an "I'm in complete and utter awe!" way.  I NEVER thought my life would take the direction that it has but I'm so grateful and wouldn't change it for the world.  I've become more active with the Renal Network, I was added to the Medical Review Board (I have NO idea how that happened...I was approached and accepted)...and for all the hard work I've put in this past year advocated they awarded me the VERY prestigious Robert Felter Memorial Award.  Can you say amazing!!!  So, as the winner I get to go to a conference anywhere in the US, all expenses paid, so in September...I'M GOING TO VEGAS!!!  I can't begin to tell you how excited I am about this trip.  It's a vacation that is LONG overdue and I've never been to Vegas so I'm excited to see what I can get into *winks*

I've also been busy building a professional career.  I don't want to share too, too much but know that God is up to something great and once it all unfolds, understand that it was ALL him and none of me...I am simply the vessel.  With that, I will be developing a new blog.  No, I won't abandon this one...it's funny.  Not many people even know about this blog but it has been very cathartic for me.  It's personal and I feel like I can be rather transparent because again, no one knows about it, lol.  I will try to update with news, recipes and other wonderful things as I can.  

With my new blog...I have a website!!!!  

www.quintaylor.com

It is live and I'm still getting it together, but my new blog will be apart of it.  It will definitely have a different theme than this one but I'm hoping you will enjoy it just the same.

Thank you for following me on this unpredictable journey that is my life!  It means more to me than you know.  Until we meet again Lovlies, LOVE YOU and be good to you :)

My Story is Just Beginning...

When I revived this blog my mission was simple...to allow people to follow me on my journey to get a transplant.  I knew it wasn't going to be easy but I did want to share it with others hoping they would understand my life a little better.  I NEVER dreamed that my journey would lead me every it's taken me.  People know who I am...ADAM RICHMAN knows who I am and you know that's all that really matters, lol.  I've shared my story up until this point and have been overwhelmed with the support, encouragement and just awesome feedback I've received.  I've gotten so focused on telling my story that I forgot something very important...my story isn't finished being written.  I'm only halfway through my journey. 

Today I received some information that has turned my thinking upside down for the day.  About a year ago they did an in-service with current transplant candidates explaining to us that there would be some changes in the transplantation process.  This included healthier organs being designated for healthier patients.  The biggest change was how they determined how long you've been listed.  Instead of going by the day you actually got listed, now your time would start from the moment you started dialysis. I was listed April 5, 2013.  Because of the new policy I have actually accrued 4 1/2 years of waiting time.  The average waiting time in IL for a kidney is 3-5 years.  That means my time could be coming a WHOOOOOOOOLE lot sooner than I anticipated.  When I thought about that I was flooded with emotions.  What am I going to do next?  Am I ready for this?  What happens when I get that first call?  How will my life unfold afterwards?  That's when I realized, I've been so focused on the story I have now that I've taken for granted that the rest of my story hasn't been written yet...the GREATEST part of my story hasn't been written yet.  Once I receive my kidney my story STILL won't be completed because it will be a constant journey.  The mere thought that my story could change tonight, tomorrow or even next week brings me to tears.  As I type this, I'm looking through my own tears.  To know that something so precious, so life changing, can be SOOOOOO close, there are no words.  

The only person I've shared this with, other than my parents, is my trainer.  I didn't want to mention it before because it's a little process I've been trying to deal with but he's moving.  Yes, we are breaking up, lol.  Well, he says we're just going long distance.  We have two weeks and two sessions left together.  Being able to share that with him made me happier than anyone will know.  Getting me here has been a TEAM effort and to know that we're almost at the finish line...that's an indescribable feeling.  

I don't know what God is up to, but I learned a loooong time ago to give all things to him, be obedient, sit back and watch him work.  I know that I'm getting ready to walk into my overflow.  My soul CRIES OUT thank you Lord!!!!  Thank you for choosing me to take this journey and thank you for showing me how to let this journey turn me into the woman you purposed me to be.  

So understand, my story is just beginning...follow me as it continues to be written! 

SOOOOOOOO Much to Share

I have soooooooooooooo much to share with you Lovies about National Donate Life Month and all of the the fantastic things that happened for me.  Honestly, these were the best weeks of my life.  Unfortunately, I will have to sit down to really take time to share the magnitude of everything that happened.  To give you an idea of how great it was...I WAS ON THE NEWS!  I promise I will be back with a grand ole update but I just wanted to check in and say life is really good.  I went in Monday for my final post-op appointment.  I'm down about 15 pds since my surgery.  Next month will be a bit sad for me but I'll share those details after all is said and done.  I'm truly walking into a new season and I'm so excited to see what it is going to bring!  I'll be back sooner than later :)

Finally...

Lovies!!!  I'm two weeks post-op and I must say...IT WENT FANTASTIC!  Virtually painless, which was beyond shocking, and I can really see a difference!  I'm still swollen and have some healing to do, but I have a shape...more importantly, I HAVE A BUTT!  It's something how removing something like your stomach makes your entire body look different.  I'm actually getting a shape to my body...it's amazing to see how everyday I look a little different and can move a bit better.  Today I went in for my first post-op appointment and my surgeon was more than pleased with my progress.  I've had two drains hooked up to me for the past week that were driving me crazy, lol.  They felt like shackles...but those drains were removed today and I spent the day enjoying my new freedom and this beautiful weather in an otherwise dreary, snow filled winter.  I surprised my trainer with a visit and it was GREAT to see him and just chat.  My birthday is in 2 days and for the first time in my life, I keep forgetting, lol.  I have one birthday wish...I'm crossing my fingers that it comes true!  If it does I'm going to dedicate a post about it.  Next month is National Donate Life Month and it's gearing up to be pretty amazing!  I can't wait to share all of the wonderful things that will be taking place.  Life is good.  I never imagined that this is how my life would take form but I don't regret a step of this journey.  I see so many people focusing on their fitness...now don't get me wrong, it really excites me to see other's investing in their health but it feels like everyone is taking it to an extreme.  With all the talk about juicing, detoxing, eating clean, etc...I will never speak negatively about any choice anyone makes to have a healthier lifestyle.  What I do feel is that people have become radical with these ideas when they shouldn't be used as weight loss regimens.  Do I detox, absolutely.  When I haven't been eating well or haven't been watching my salt intake closely I detox with cucumbers and lemon water to flush my system.  Once my body is back on track, I go back to the basics...eating right and exercising.  Do I obsess about eating clean...unfortunately I don't...I strive to eat well because that is something I can maintain for a lifetime.  I guess that's my point...develop habits that you can maintain for a lifetime...it makes no sense to go on these 12 week weight loss binges only to fall off track and end up where you were 12 weeks ago.  Don't be afraid to take baby steps and slowly build to the regimen that you desire to reach.  I know I'm rambling but this is something that has been bothering me for awhile.  These bandwagon cleanses, detoxes, herbal meal replacement supplements...none of these can replace old fashion eating right and exercising.  They may be a good jump start to start or even to break a plateau but the basics of weight loss never change.  Before I bore you completely to death I'm going to turn in but I just wanted to update you on how everything went with the tummy tuck and once the swelling goes down some more I'll certainly be posting some after pics...I'll have to pray about posting before pics, lol.  As I always say LOVE YOU and be good to yourself lovies :)

No Turning Back...

I think that's my theme for this year...I'm facing things head on and there's no turning back!

This is definitely about a year of changes for me.  I've been taking risks lately.  I've had long hair for the past 10 years.  Loooooonger hair for the past 5.  A simple trim of my ends would send me into tears, lol.  Last Tuesday, I walked into a new hair salon (I don't trust very many people to do my hair so this was also a risk), sat in the chair and told the stylist to cut all my hair off.  That's right.  No baby steps.  No inbetween cut...I cut it all off.  I didn't cry, I wasn't upset...it was actually freeing.  It felt good to step out my box and I LOVE my new haircut!  I look like a different me and I like it :)

Also in these changes, operation eliminate my butt in the front is in a little more than 24 hours.  I won't admit it to anyone but I'm scared y'all.  Going in that pre-op appointment...this is going to be a little more invasive than I anticipated.  I'll be hospitalized for a few days and yea...I just thought this was an easy, same day home kind of thing.  It's not, lol.  I just want to know what I will look like.  And to get past the pain...the mickey fickey pain because I KNOW this will separate the men from the boys.  Ay yi yi...I've asked myself no less than 20 times, "Baby, what have you gotten yourself into!?!" I know it's a blessing and in the end its the right thing and honestly I've worked VERY hard and earned this...but that doesn't make it any less scary.  It's funny, Thursday my trainer changed up my entire workout (he likes doing this often) and asked me "Do you remember when you were afraid of change?"  And it took me back to when we first met...Change still shakes me up a bit but now I face it head on without turning back...Some of my biggest accomplishments to date have been because despite what I felt, I allowed change to do what it's supposed to do...elevate me and make me stronger.  I'm trippin about this surgery now, but it's just another step on the ladder of change that's getting me closer to who I'm supposed to be.  So although I'm scared to death, I'm going to hold my head high, walk with authority and allow this change to be another notch in my belt.  

I'll be down for awhile but I will be around more during my recovery period.  I'm sure I'll have some overly emotional, dramatic posts to share with you since I will be stir crazy from sitting still which leads to senseless overthinking, lol.  For those who read my thoughts on a regular basis, thank you for taking this journey with me...it's been an interesting one to say the least.  I'll see you Lovies...slimmer and better than before!

Question...

Have you ever just felt lost?  Like there is so much going on and so much to try and process that somewhere along the way everything has sucked you up and in and you just feel....lost.  I feel that way right now.  To say my life is chaotic right now would be an understatement.  I am literally living my life by phone calendar.  I have constant reminders set up because I don't want to forget to do anything.  I'm constantly thinking two steps ahead of myself because I don't want to make a misstep.  Mentally, I'm just exhausted.  I've been in this place before but I think the difference is emotionally, I feel everywhere.  I pride myself in being able to keep my emotions "in check"...I'm not doing a good job of that right now.  I think because most of the stuff going on is isn't just physical but very emotional also.  When I was younger the way I would deal with my emotions was eat and be mean to the world while I cried in private ALL the time.  Needless to say, that aided in me being overweight and well, people didn't enjoy being around me that much, lol.  I went and got some help to learn how to deal with my emotions and started this whole weight loss journey to reverse all the damage eating them did.  Now, instead of allowing my emotions to drive me to eat poorly, I've channeled them into helping me eat even healthier.  The thing is, I feel that mean person on the rise and I don't like that.  With lots of prayer and self-work, I've worked hard to become a person that I not only love but someone I am extremely proud of...I don't want the stress of a few bad weeks to undo all of that.  I don't want to lose that positive, encouraged, HAPPY disposition that I've built.  Lately, I've been spreading myself sooooooo thin trying to please everyone that it has made me feel so inadequate.  I feel like I've had the same conversation multiple times with multiple people in just a few days...just tell me what it is you want from me so that I can try my best to do it and everyone can be happy...I just don't know what to give people anymore.  I'm really tired of trying to figure it out.  I apologize this isn't one of my more lighthearted posts, but it is honest.  One thing about me, I try to be as honest and authentic as I can.  I try to keep people around me who are the same.  When I feel that is compromised, it makes me want to isolate a bit just to reevaluate what's going on around me.  I don't even know if any of this makes sense  right now.  I haven't blogged in awhile and this is where my head is so I thought I'd share.  Tummy tuck surgery is in 12 days.  I will definitely be back before then, probably Monday since that is my pre-op appointment, just to give you the logistics of what's going to happen.  Praying for better days...