I’m Back, but I Never Stopped :)

Time is a funny, funny thing…it escapes us before we know it…and that's exactly what has happened with my blog, lol. I always say that I'm going to sit down and keep this thing moving and a day has become a week…a month…and actually a year. I'm so ashamed, lol. The good news is that I'm back and focused. I know that I won't update daily but they won't be that few and far inbetween. The GREAT news is that I haven't stopped my weight loss journey. A year and some change later I have about 50 pds to go until I have reached my goal weight. I can't believe it. I mentioned in my other post that I had a reason why I began this journey and I would elaborate at a later time, well there is no time like the present.
When I was 19 years old I was away in college, enjoying all of those things that college students do when my body began to do some strange stuff. I was swelling out of control, I mean to the point the skin on my legs would tear. I was running to the bathroom every 20 mins. I was BEYOND fatigued and doing anything but ordering food to eat was a chore. Needless to say, the University felt it would be best for me to return home to reevalute some things, lol. I came home weighing 407 pds trying to figure out just how I got there. I went to the gastro doctor not looking to have weight loss surgery, but hoping she could put me on a disciplined plan so that I could leave the realm of "two tons of fun". I went to the appointment, did the bloodwork and came home oblivious that I would receive a phone call that night that would be THE defining moment of my life. The doctor called me in a panic saying that I needed to go the ER to be admitted to the hospital immediately. Now the funny thing about this is that she was actually talking to my mother and I was just standing there trying to decipher what on earth was going on. My mother hung up the phone saying the doctor would call back with more instructions but there seemed to be some problems with my kidneys. To give you a small back story about this, my father was diagnosed with kidney failure in 1982…a year before I was born so kidney disease was not foreign to me, but it was foreign to ME. Before I had a chance to process what COULD be going on the doctor called back to say I didn't need to be admitted but that I did need to see a kidney doctor and asaputually. What she didn't know is that she was sending me to the same doctor who was not only my fathers's doctor but the woman I credit with keeping him alive these past 30 years.
After many, and I do mean MANY tests they diagnosed me with nephrotic syndrome or a chronic kidney disease. Initially, they told me this may have occurred because I was so heavy so they immediately sent me to a dietician who put me on a calorie-counting plan so that I could lose weight. After further testing they realized that my disease was actually hereditary but losing weight couldn't hurt. So for about a year I went to this dietician and I lost about 80 pds. And let me tell you I knew I was fabulous, lol. Because it was such a restrictive plan I became complacent and felt a need to dip back into my old ways from time to time to fulfill that feeling of being deprived. The exceptions went back to being the rules and slowly I crept back up gaining everying but about 20 pds back. That's when life decided to hit the fast forward button on me.
In September 2008 I went for a routine check up with my kidney doctor. She called me that evening and told me that I needed to come back in sooner than usual. It was during this appointment that she told me that things were declining and at a rapid rate and that I needed to start preparing myself to start dialysis. Whooooooa, crazy doctor woman say WHAT????? I'd lasted 6 years on medications that sustained my kidney function but there were no guarantees that these meds would work forever. At this point I was 25, working a decent job, in grad school full-time and now I was faced with having to give that all up. Needless to say I was knee deep inside of my feelings, but there was nothing anyone could do…this was the situation and it wasn't changing.
I have to be honest…I don't really remember 2009, lol. I spent the year still working, still in grad school full time, but what none of my classmates or co-workers knew was that in my personal time my kidney's were failing and I was trying to get ready to start dialysis. Then started the surgeries. I had to have 3 separate surgeries to obtain a working access site in my arm. Yea, when you're a student and a social worker writing is sort of essential, lol. I can remember around November is when I started to feel what was going on in my body. I spent most years feeling fine and often forgetting about my "little problem" but it definitely began to get my attention. At this point my professors insisted that I withdraw from school to focus on my health but really I couldn't keep up in my classes mentally or physically and it was really giving my self esteem a beating. I was still working and was forced to disclose to my co-workers what was going on. When you come to work with a scar from your wrist to your elbow people tend to ask questions, lol. Back to November, I dropped down to part time but even that was still taxing. I can remember my last Friday at work and it was 30 mins before my shift was supposed to be over and I was sitting literally in tears because I had no idea how I was going to walk to my car to get home because I felt just that bad. I'll never know how I made it through that weekend, but somehow I did.
On January 18, 2010 I had my first dialysis treatment. It was funny because most people don't get to choose the day they start but I did, lol. I remember that day and it was like the elephant in the room that no one wanted to acknowledge. I remember getting dressed to go and telling myself that it was no big deal. I had been in this unit a million times growing up visiting my Dad but the MAJOR oversight in this thinking was this time it was for me. I remember driving over by myself with my parents behind me. I remember parking my car and taking a few moments to gather myself before walking in. I remember hitting that door, seeing the social worker waiting for me in the lobby and absolutely losing it, lol. And then my mother lost it, lol. My father stood there and looked at us both like we were lunatics, lol. I remember finishing that treatment and feeling like it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Even 2 ½ years later, it still isn't the worst thing I've ever endured. Make no mistakes, it SUCKS, but I'm grateful for a means to live.
Now all of that was to bring me to this point, why I'm on this weight loss journey. Dialysis is time consuming and does greatly interfere with my quality of life. I can't drink what I want, eat what I want, travel when I want…its quite the thorn in my side. The easiest, but oh so hard to obtain, solution is an organ transplant. I have been blessed to have THE premiere transplant doctor working with me so I have to get on his accord. And that means losing weight. This time last year when I started this blog I was 100 pounds away from my goal. To have worked my way halfway through is nothing short of a miracle. I want to document EVERYTHING that happens up until I reach that milestone. Doctor appointments, workout sessions with my trainer who I will talk about much more in a later post, and most importantly my DIET because that's what brought me here. I want to inspire others to fall in love with food as I did but learn that food doesn't have to be unhealthy to be good to and for you. It's about a lifestyle and depriving yourself isn't apart of that. It's about finding ways to satisfy your taste and energize and nourish your body.
If you get nothing out of this novel that I've written, understand this. Life will hand you lemons. It's up to whether you make lemonade or a martini J