Lovies!!!! This post is going to be a bit different. The basis of my blog is taking you through the transplant process with me. As I've gotten into this I've realized that sharing certain things has proven to be cathartic for me. This post will be about...love. This topic is VERY difficult for me to share and be transparent about because I'm a firm believer in keeping my business just that...my business. While I won't divulge everything I've been through blow by blow, I will address my evolution in how I approach love and how I learned to accept it.
This whole post comes from watching one of my ABSOLUTE favorite movies, Just Wright. It stars Common, Queen Latifah and Paula Patton. The synopsis is Common plays a professional basketball player, Scott McKnight, who is like the Michael Jordan of the league. Queen Latifah plays Leslie Wright, a physical therapist extraordinaire and die hard Scott McKnight fan. Her godsister, Morgan, lives with her with the aspiration to "be somebody" which translates to finding a "baller" and becoming a basketball wife. After a chance meeting in a gas station, Scott invites Leslie to his birthday party and Leslie brings Morgan along. After playing hard to get, Scott and Morgan fall in love and he proposes to her. Shortly after, he injures his knee and it could be a career ending injury. Morgan solicits Leslie to move in and become Scott's full time physical therapist. During his recuperation, Morgan dumps Scott out of the blue not even saying goodbye, only leaving a letter and the engagement ring. Leslie remains to rehab Scott and pulls him out of his heartbroken slump. She encourages him, believes in him and unbeknownst to the viewer, they begin to fall in love. Scott eventually returns to the court to a rough start. After a pep talk from Leslie, he goes out there and doesn't miss a beat. To celebrate, Scott takes Leslie out to a fancy dinner, refurbishes her Mustang and the night ends with kisses and a little more. Leslie awakens the next morning to Morgan popping up at the house begging Scott to give her another chance. Leslie overhears the conversation, and tells Scott that being his friend just isn't good enough for her. Soon after, word travels through the NBA about her stellar work and she receives numerous offers from various teams to be an athletic trainer...including Scott's team. As Scott gives an interview he explains that what got him through the tough times of rehabbing was Leslie. She made the worst three months of his life the best. She made him laugh. She believed in him and was his cheerleader when he didn't believe in himself. He leaves the interview in to find her and Morgan, who watched the whole thing from behind the scenes tells Scott where Leslie is. He finds her, pours his heart out to her and tells her, she's just right for him. She immediately calls and takes the trainer position for his team, they get married and live happily ever after.
I hope you caught all of that, lol. Anyway, I LOOOOOVE this movie for so many reasons. When I see Leslie Wright, I see myself. Sports fanatic...laid back girl but knows when to turn her femininity on...tall, thick chick...not plain, not glamorous but possessing her own beauty...guys always seem to think she makes the perfect "friend" because she's so chill...and on the pursuit to find that man who can't live without her. My favorite part about this movie is that FOR ONCE, that girl got the guy. Not just any guy but THE guy. Leslie's own mother tried to dissuade her from going after Scott because "she wasn't the kind of girl to end up with that type of guy"...why can't she end up with that type of guy? I've dated some real dingleberries in my lifetime because I didn't think I deserved "that guy" but I've come to a realization...why can't I have him? Because it doesn't fit into societal ideas about who I should end up with? Society paints a picture that you have to be a fashion model to get a certain caliber of man and I'm here to tell you I REFUSE to give in to that anymore. I deserve the tallest, most attractive, most successful man out there because I am a good woman and would be good to that man. I'm not out here trying to make a career out of his fame or success. And I'm not saying you should seek out a guy because of who he is. What I am saying is don't sell yourself short because people feel someone is "out of your league"...we sell ourselves short everyday. God has his absolute best for you so don't settle for what feels comfortable...choose what feels magical. When I pray to God for love I always tell him I want an extraordinary love. If it's a janitor or Adam Richman (who I have such an unhealthy crush on, lol)...just let it be the man you have for me. Who says that Adam Richman won't fall head over heels in love with me...because I'm not famous? Because I'm not a size 2 with blonde hair flowing down my back? I believe he can love me because my heart is pure and sincere.
The best thing I ever did for myself was to block out the offerings of others and listen to my own heart. Love will find me when I am ready. Until then, I will continue to be the wonderful me that I am and keep believing that God is molding his best just for me...and he's doing the same for you. Love yourself Lovies...and love will find you <3
Monday, November 4, 2013
Sunday, November 3, 2013
A Change Is a Brewing...
Lovies!!!! It's been awhile since I just blogged my feelings so, here it goes:
The year is almost over. That means a lot to me. I can remember this time last year praying & crying out to God because it felt like he had forgotten about me. When I say that, it just felt like I was stuck...going nowhere in particular...stagnant if you will. Around this time last year is also when the Year of Wellness was introduced to me. I remember thinking, "Something good has to happen for me at some time, why not this". I NEVER could have dreamed that this year would unfold the way that it did. Not only did God NOT forget about me, he has taken me on a path I never could have imagined. This year has been full of surprises, life changing opportunities, a little heartbreak but we'll talk about that later, lol, but most of all it's been about change.
Most people don't like change, I was one of them. I realized though, it wasn't the change I didn't like. It was the process that I most often went through that was the problem. You see, with change its not convenient to when YOU want it to happen. It doesn't conform to what make you comfortable. It's about pushing your boundaries and transforming you, if you allow it. I liken it to the proverbial coal. Put it under pressure, it turns into a diamond. Right now, I've been polished, my facets cut and the light is hitting me so that I shine to the world. I appreciate everything that I've been through. It may have SUCKED at the time, but its made me who I am today and I wouldn't trade that in for the world. I'm not perfect, but I'm a good person and it shows. That's worth more than anything to me.
So, I'm embracing another change...tummy tuck surgery. As some of my weight loss lovies know, you can exercise until you pass out and some places on your body won't change. My legs are toned (they are looking amazing actually, lol), my face is smaller, I have baby guns peeking out my arms, but my stomach honey, let me tell you. This butt in the front is going NOWHERE!!! It's tight up under there, but that means nothing if you have skin hanging to your knees covering it up, lol. So, I WELCOME this tummy tuck. I've been in a hate/hate relationship with my stomach my entire life so it feels like God answered my prayers. I will continue to eat right and exercise AFTER my procedure to continue losing weight and tone up. Let me explain it this way...I love taking pics from the chest up because I look like a completely different person. I love how my legs photograph...but I DETEST full length pictures because when I look at them all I see is my stomach and it makes me feel like I haven't lost a single pound. I've worked hard and I want to be able to look at myself and see that hard work translated. NO ONE should have to live with a butt in the front if they don't want to, lol.
I'm also going to chop all my hair off, but I'll save those details until it's done. I feel like this was vague, but I just wanted to share how I'm feeling without giving away too much information. Hopefully you get an idea of the road I'm traveling and understand how AWESOME it is and how grateful I am to be chosen to take it...until we meet again Lovies!!! Love you, inside and out <3
The year is almost over. That means a lot to me. I can remember this time last year praying & crying out to God because it felt like he had forgotten about me. When I say that, it just felt like I was stuck...going nowhere in particular...stagnant if you will. Around this time last year is also when the Year of Wellness was introduced to me. I remember thinking, "Something good has to happen for me at some time, why not this". I NEVER could have dreamed that this year would unfold the way that it did. Not only did God NOT forget about me, he has taken me on a path I never could have imagined. This year has been full of surprises, life changing opportunities, a little heartbreak but we'll talk about that later, lol, but most of all it's been about change.
Most people don't like change, I was one of them. I realized though, it wasn't the change I didn't like. It was the process that I most often went through that was the problem. You see, with change its not convenient to when YOU want it to happen. It doesn't conform to what make you comfortable. It's about pushing your boundaries and transforming you, if you allow it. I liken it to the proverbial coal. Put it under pressure, it turns into a diamond. Right now, I've been polished, my facets cut and the light is hitting me so that I shine to the world. I appreciate everything that I've been through. It may have SUCKED at the time, but its made me who I am today and I wouldn't trade that in for the world. I'm not perfect, but I'm a good person and it shows. That's worth more than anything to me.
So, I'm embracing another change...tummy tuck surgery. As some of my weight loss lovies know, you can exercise until you pass out and some places on your body won't change. My legs are toned (they are looking amazing actually, lol), my face is smaller, I have baby guns peeking out my arms, but my stomach honey, let me tell you. This butt in the front is going NOWHERE!!! It's tight up under there, but that means nothing if you have skin hanging to your knees covering it up, lol. So, I WELCOME this tummy tuck. I've been in a hate/hate relationship with my stomach my entire life so it feels like God answered my prayers. I will continue to eat right and exercise AFTER my procedure to continue losing weight and tone up. Let me explain it this way...I love taking pics from the chest up because I look like a completely different person. I love how my legs photograph...but I DETEST full length pictures because when I look at them all I see is my stomach and it makes me feel like I haven't lost a single pound. I've worked hard and I want to be able to look at myself and see that hard work translated. NO ONE should have to live with a butt in the front if they don't want to, lol.
I'm also going to chop all my hair off, but I'll save those details until it's done. I feel like this was vague, but I just wanted to share how I'm feeling without giving away too much information. Hopefully you get an idea of the road I'm traveling and understand how AWESOME it is and how grateful I am to be chosen to take it...until we meet again Lovies!!! Love you, inside and out <3
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